Sometimes, God presents you with a series of events in your life, large or small, that converge to emphasize an undeniable truth. Perhaps it’s something you’ve known for a long time and need it to be told to you outright. Or perhaps He just put all of the pieces together for you in such a way that you finally realize it.
Three separate events have converged in such a way in my life recently:
- A certain blogger’s revelation that she isn’t destined for blogging, shared in a Facebook group, and my subsequent realization that by nature I’m a very private person, and thus personal blogging is not compatible with my personality.
- Finishing an excellent book, Adulting by Kelly Williams Brown, and reflecting on what I really want my future to look like.
- The general “oh s*%t!” realization that my life is about to get really, really busy, and that would prevent me from doing anything with this blog except keeping it as an online journal, which (see point 1) is never what it was intended to be.
You may have noticed quite a few changes on the blog and my social media outlets lately. Well, privacy is an amazing thing in our era of chronic oversharing, isn’t it? I’ve done a lot of thinking about the role I want the Internet to play in my life in recent months, some of which you’ve gotten to hear if you’ve followed this blog for a while, and I’ve come to two wonderful conclusions:
- Social media isn’t fun for me in itself anymore. I love that I can keep up with people I love who live far away. I love that I can share special moments from my life with people who care about them. But beyond that, I’m tired of social media. From the freshman-year-of-high-school-contest-to-see-who-can-get-the-most-Facebook-friends to the incessant Instagram hash tagging to get more followers, I’m tired of it. I don’t have moral qualms with it, I don’t care if you do it–I’m just tired of it.
- Sharing my opinions on my blog, my Facebook page, Instagram, whatever, does not change the most important outcome of those opinions: that I personally try to live out my values.
So, friends, I’m laying this blog to rest.
And now, it takes a leap of faith to say, “Do you want to keep being friends with me, even though we won’t have the thing that originally brought us together in common anymore?” You know, like when you were assigned to work on a group project with someone you didn’t know in middle school (ugh! More awkward social interactions?!) and ended up realizing that they were a super cool person, and you wanted to ask them if they wanted to meet you at Starbucks next weekend but you were also kind of scared that they’d say no, because they seemed a little too cool for you?
It takes even more faith to say, “… and we’ve never actually met in person, but… still friends?” But life is short, and it is always the best practice to love loudly.
Times change, and interests fade in and out. But this is me asking you, wonderful friend I have made while blogging who I care so much about, if we can upgrade from “blends” (blogging friends) to just plain friends? I want to hear about your life beyond its blog-worthy exterior. I want to be there to hear when you meet the love of your life or have your first child, or conversely when you’re feuding with your in-laws or lose your job. Because I will still care about you even when this blog is covered in e-dust and e-cobwebs and hasn’t been touched in years.
So what’s next? I know I’ve been a bit cryptic when it comes to plans for the future, and you’ll have to forgive me. I’ll share in good time. But–and this is going to sound dramatic, but it isn’t meant to be–a point in my life has come where I both know what I want for my future and I’m honest with myself about it. Everything that my family and friends want for me and everything that society tells a 20-something soon-to-be grad to value and to do, have faded into the background enough so that I can hear my own thoughts and start to know myself.
It’s a bit like climbing a mountain, actually. It’s not as if you reach the top quickly or all of a sudden. And in this case the mountain is infinitely tall, because we’ll never know everything about our future. But you reach a point when you finally make it out of the trees and all of a sudden, the view is dazzling, and you can see for miles. And for some people that happens at 15, and for others at 22, and for others at 35, and you will get there in good time.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that me quitting blogging isn’t really about blogging–it’s about much more. It’s me closing this chapter of my life and opening a new one. I have no regrets in sharing my life with you, on and off for the past two years, and I hope that we’ll continue to share our lives through other media and grow old together. I am so excited and so ready for the future, as daunting as it often feels.
I’ll leave you with two of my favorite quotes about leaving.
‘The time has come,’ the Walrus said
‘to speak of many things:
of shoes–and ships–and sealing wax–
of cabbages–and kings–
And why the sea is boiling hot–
And whether pigs have wings.’
~ “The Walrus and the Carpenter,” Lewis Carroll, 1871
… and even though she’s not yet sixteen, she knows that this is a time for new beginnings. ~ These Happy Golden Years, Laura Ingalls Wilder, 1943